When
a widowed parent starts to date, many people have feelings of
nervousness, hurt, betrayal, and fear. Concerns that the new love
interest will take the place of the lost parent are common. Problems
like this can drive a wedge between the parent and their child.
Knowing how to handle the relationship can help you avoid this
problem. Here's what you need to know.
Ask
Questions
Ask
your parent the type of questions you would ask a friend or a sibling
who started to date. Find out some of the basic information about the
person, like their name, where they live, and if
they
have hobbies. You can ask where your parent likes to go on dates, how
long they’ve dated, and even how your parent feels about their new
potential partner.
Hold
back judgment, and encourage your parent to tell you more. Asking
questions and waiting to settle on your feelings about the situation
will help your parent feel comfortable revealing this personal
information. Doing this will establish the foundation for a good
relationship with your parent and their potential partner moving
forward.
Aim
for Friendship
Get
to know your parent's love interest. When you're together, ask
questions to find out more about the person your parent is dating. Be
kind. Smile at the person, and reveal things about yourself. If your
parent feels comfortable, go out to lunch with the two of them, or
invite your parent and their potential partner to your home for a
meal.
Warm
exchanges will help pave the way for a good friendship later. If the
relationship lasts, you'll already have a healthy relationship with
your parent's new partner.
Know
When to Let the Relationship Take Its Course
Keep
perspective while your parent is dating. Unless you have reason
to be concerned that your elderly parent is being abused or scammed,
allow the relationship to take its course.
Trying
to exert control could drive your parent away, causing a rift. If you
have reason to believe that your parent is being scammed or abused,
contact adult protective services to express your concern.
Be
There for Your Parent
Your
parent may have conflicted feelings and uncertainty while they date.
Very likely, a long time has passed since your parent was involved
with another adult. If this is the case, your parent may need someone
to talk to throughout the relationship. Be there for your parent. Do
not allow this new development to interfere with your ability to
communicate with your parent.
Keep
up the same activities that you and your parent engaged in before
they started dating. For many people, these interactions include
regular phone calls, weekend dinners, or a weekly stop at their home
to see how they are. Take these opportunities to talk to your parent
and be supportive. Avoid the impulse to lecture your parent.
Consult
With Friends, Siblings, and Your Spouse
You
may need support during this time. Talk to your friends, siblings,
and spouse to keep perspective and share your feelings. Staying open
about how you feel can help you prevent suppressed feelings of
sadness or anger.
If
your parent asks for your opinion or feelings, be honest even if you
feel conflicted. An open exchange will help your parent understand
your perspective and may give your parent more compassion for you in
the future.
Help
Your Parent If They Move In Together
If
your parent makes the decision to move in with their love interest,
help them find a home and move in together. Show your support as your
parent takes this next step in the relationship. For more
information about senior housing, contact
Robert Cottingham Company
.
We're happy to answer your questions.
